I'm eating more than I'm writing! I bought grapes to snack on, but alas--I went shopping while hungry, and thus also bought Pirate Booty and mini cheeses (of which I only had ONE, for LUNCH), and black and white cookies. Uuuurgh. And I was SUPPOSED to have a friend here to share it with, but she wussed out of our study session.
I can justify this snacking, though, because I'm walking 20 miles tomorrow (I'M SO SCARED, hahaha. TWENTY MILES?!? Yeah. At least it's just walking.)
I think my monstrous eating is mostly quelled at this point. I've been decently good this week--not 600 cal/day good, but less than 1000/day good for the most part (except maybe today. Yeah...)
This may be TMI, but I have to pee SO BADLY, but I am at Starbucks and I don't want to get up because then I'll lose my seat and never get it back again. Plus? I have a lot of shit that I would need to pack up, haha. I always feel like a bag lady, because I walk around with two or three bags all the time. Pathetic.
For those interested, by the way, crisis averted: the MD said that missing one dose wouldn't kill me. I was just so scared because a) lithium is not shit that you mess with b) I've never missed a dose before and c) I was pissed off because that was MONEY I was flushing down the toilet (LITERALLY!) Oh well. Not doing THAT again.
Aaaaaaaand I should get back to writing my paper. It is NOT going to be a good one. But it will be a DONE one, and that will get me a grade, and a grade will get me a DIPLOMA! And an iPod (I'M GETTING ONE AS A GRADUATION PRESENT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!)
So. Back to work. Thanks, lovies, for reading!
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I'm full of stupid tonight!
omg omg omg omg!
I just puked up my lithium!!!! What the hell do I do now????
I chatted with the Walgreens 24 hour pharmacist, she said to call my doctor. My doctor is on vacation. I called her stand in and left a message, but she won't get back to me until the AM. Am I going to miss a dose???? (Probably, yes) That's never happened before!! AM I GOING TO GO CRAZY??? hahaha. Oy vey.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid. That's what I am. I shouldn't have eaten all that food in the first place, or taken my meds so late. What am I supposed to do?? Does this constitute an emergency for the psychiatrist on call? I don't wanna, because then I'll have to explain that I was puking, and he/she will probably just tell me to skip the dose anyway because they don't know how much my body absorbed in the TEN MINUTES it was in there. Oy vey....Man oh man oh man. STUPID!
I just puked up my lithium!!!! What the hell do I do now????
I chatted with the Walgreens 24 hour pharmacist, she said to call my doctor. My doctor is on vacation. I called her stand in and left a message, but she won't get back to me until the AM. Am I going to miss a dose???? (Probably, yes) That's never happened before!! AM I GOING TO GO CRAZY??? hahaha. Oy vey.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid. That's what I am. I shouldn't have eaten all that food in the first place, or taken my meds so late. What am I supposed to do?? Does this constitute an emergency for the psychiatrist on call? I don't wanna, because then I'll have to explain that I was puking, and he/she will probably just tell me to skip the dose anyway because they don't know how much my body absorbed in the TEN MINUTES it was in there. Oy vey....Man oh man oh man. STUPID!
Snacks for Studying!
I HAVE A PROBLEM AND IT IS THIS: WHEN I STUDY, I GET BORED. WHEN I GET BORED, I SNACK. When I *don't* have snacks available, as I do not right now, I do not get shit done. Problemo right there, kiddos. BIIIIIG problemo. I cannot base my academic success on something so dumb as snacking.
Also, I'm really bored. I think someone should leave a random comment so that I have something to distract me from the damned paper that I'm supposed to be writing (damnation!) Do you realize that this right here that I just typed is more in the realm of "typed" than has been done for my paper in the past three hours? Yeah. Problem.
SAVE ME FROM THE FOOD AND FROM THE STUDYING! WAH!
Also, I'm really bored. I think someone should leave a random comment so that I have something to distract me from the damned paper that I'm supposed to be writing (damnation!) Do you realize that this right here that I just typed is more in the realm of "typed" than has been done for my paper in the past three hours? Yeah. Problem.
SAVE ME FROM THE FOOD AND FROM THE STUDYING! WAH!
Verdict:
I am NOT allowed to be in the kitchen alone: this is when things go awry.
So this morning, I went to put my capris on (ever hopeful of Spring...) and they were about three inches too big, too!!! I think I'm pretty securely a size 6 now!!!!! (Too bad I think it's not gonna last...) I was so excited when I got into the single-digit sizes last year, but this? This is even more exciting! Now if only I could stop eating like a fatass...
Has anyone ever tried green smoothies, btw? I'm thinking of trying it, but I don't want to waste the calories on something that's just going to leave me craving more in an hour.
So, finals are revving up to full swing. Life is hectic. I've been trying to balance family, the gf, school, volunteering, and work all at once. I think once finals are over, life will be more...peaceful. I'd forgotten what it was like, having been out of school for two years. Maybe the stress is why I've been eating like crazy? That and the "not smoking" thing (which is actually going really well!) I just feel so...overwhelmed! I don't know what to do!
All right. That's all for now. Hope you're all well!
So this morning, I went to put my capris on (ever hopeful of Spring...) and they were about three inches too big, too!!! I think I'm pretty securely a size 6 now!!!!! (Too bad I think it's not gonna last...) I was so excited when I got into the single-digit sizes last year, but this? This is even more exciting! Now if only I could stop eating like a fatass...
Has anyone ever tried green smoothies, btw? I'm thinking of trying it, but I don't want to waste the calories on something that's just going to leave me craving more in an hour.
So, finals are revving up to full swing. Life is hectic. I've been trying to balance family, the gf, school, volunteering, and work all at once. I think once finals are over, life will be more...peaceful. I'd forgotten what it was like, having been out of school for two years. Maybe the stress is why I've been eating like crazy? That and the "not smoking" thing (which is actually going really well!) I just feel so...overwhelmed! I don't know what to do!
All right. That's all for now. Hope you're all well!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
More Excitement!
I put on a pair of pants that I bought back in November or thereabouts this morning...and they were three inches too big!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Today, the name of the game is "getting back on track." It's all about getting back on track, so that I can lose more weight (even though my grandmother doesn't think I need to, haha) and be thin, thinner, thinnest. (But I refuse to get grotesquely thin. Then my friends won't hang out with me anymore ;) I just want all the extra flab to disappear. I want to look thin and fit. Next week, I'm going to try to start exercising (well, maybe once finals are over...that might be a better idea.) Problem is, I have issues with getting up in the morning to exercise. I severely need a running buddy, but even my craigslist post only yielded one person who lived too far away to make it work. (I decided that I want to run a half marathon next year, and maybe a full one the year after...I hate running. I am sick!) Oh well. Maybe someone will magically appear out of the blue...
It's a *beautiful* day today, btw. I brought my jacket because it looked cold outside, but shortly grew to regret that decision. Now I have to lug this extra thing around. Oh well.
Enjoy today, my lovelies!
Today, the name of the game is "getting back on track." It's all about getting back on track, so that I can lose more weight (even though my grandmother doesn't think I need to, haha) and be thin, thinner, thinnest. (But I refuse to get grotesquely thin. Then my friends won't hang out with me anymore ;) I just want all the extra flab to disappear. I want to look thin and fit. Next week, I'm going to try to start exercising (well, maybe once finals are over...that might be a better idea.) Problem is, I have issues with getting up in the morning to exercise. I severely need a running buddy, but even my craigslist post only yielded one person who lived too far away to make it work. (I decided that I want to run a half marathon next year, and maybe a full one the year after...I hate running. I am sick!) Oh well. Maybe someone will magically appear out of the blue...
It's a *beautiful* day today, btw. I brought my jacket because it looked cold outside, but shortly grew to regret that decision. Now I have to lug this extra thing around. Oh well.
Enjoy today, my lovelies!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Success! Annnnnnddddd figuring out how to create more success...
Well, the good news is that the piggishness seems to be trailing off--only MARGINAL overeating today, hopefully followed by proper starvation tomorrow.
While I was at my relatives' for Easter, my aunt gave me a dress to try on--I looked at the size and was uber skeptical of it because it was a 6, and I barely just got down to an 8, right? Well, I try it on and.....(drum roll, please!)...IT FIT! I CAN FIT INTO A 6!!!! I know, I know--most of you are probably praying that you DIE the day you're large enough to fit into a 6, but for me??? This is HUGE progress! HUGE! I'm so excited!
But that and my grandmother's comments about how skinny I'm getting are NOT making up for the fact that I've gained a gajillion pounds over the past week. Time to crack down and get back to business. Back to business indeed...
While I was at my relatives' for Easter, my aunt gave me a dress to try on--I looked at the size and was uber skeptical of it because it was a 6, and I barely just got down to an 8, right? Well, I try it on and.....(drum roll, please!)...IT FIT! I CAN FIT INTO A 6!!!! I know, I know--most of you are probably praying that you DIE the day you're large enough to fit into a 6, but for me??? This is HUGE progress! HUGE! I'm so excited!
But that and my grandmother's comments about how skinny I'm getting are NOT making up for the fact that I've gained a gajillion pounds over the past week. Time to crack down and get back to business. Back to business indeed...
Monday, April 25, 2011
Ultimate Fatty
Almost my worst fears were realized over Easter--I say "almost" because only time will tell if I've completely lost all ability to restrict...
I ate way, way, WAY too much food, and drank too many calories, and want to keep going, even though I feel like a fatty, stuffed sausage, full individual who's probably gained TEN POUNDS--wahhhhh!
I'm SO freaked out! Someone help me to get back on track! Where has my motivation gone??
It seems to me that I have two options for getting back on track. I can choose an arbitrary calorie limit for the day/week, and go for that, or I could choose an arbitrary calorie limit and go for a liquid diet for a few days (problem: not very satisfactory...but then...that's the idea, right??)
I dunno. I need advice!
I ate way, way, WAY too much food, and drank too many calories, and want to keep going, even though I feel like a fatty, stuffed sausage, full individual who's probably gained TEN POUNDS--wahhhhh!
I'm SO freaked out! Someone help me to get back on track! Where has my motivation gone??
It seems to me that I have two options for getting back on track. I can choose an arbitrary calorie limit for the day/week, and go for that, or I could choose an arbitrary calorie limit and go for a liquid diet for a few days (problem: not very satisfactory...but then...that's the idea, right??)
I dunno. I need advice!
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