I stepped on the scale nekkid this evening just for the hell of it, even though I pigged out this evening because I have no self control and am a fat pig...and it was just a little above 140! This is EXCELLENT news!! 5 lbs closer to my 130 goal! ...but I just can't get excited. Because I'm a fat pig.
Also, I can't get out of my head the "blind weighing" they did at the ED center today--how embarrassing is that??? THEY get to see how much your fat self weighs, and YOU have to just stand there and look at the wall...I wonder what my real weight is (I've been using my grandmother's scale, which is pretty old.) I'll bet it's something awful like 147 or higher, especially with all my clothes on. URGH. I DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS. I can quit any time. I can quit any time. I can quit any time....
I wish I wasn't so fat. I will tell you one thing now--no matter what, I will NOT lose sight of the weight loss goal. I WILL continue to lose weight...
Showing posts with label losing weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label losing weight. Show all posts
Monday, May 9, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Guess what today is???
Well, yes. It IS Cinco de Mayo, but more importantly it's the last day of classes of my seven year undergraduate career!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!! in case you can't tell.) Ergo, it is a holiday in my head.
This morning, I put my capris on (still too cold for that, but whatevs. Hope springs eternal)--they're four inches too big! And my belt? Also too big! I had to put another notch in it! (and I didn't put it in the right place, so it's still slightly too big, but it's an improvement on what was there, haha) So I guess things aren't going too badly.
I'm still trying my new diet plan. Yes, I know it's bad for you. I am worried about energy and concentration levels. By the time I got out of the hospital last time I did this, I barely had the energy to pick up my bags and walk to the bus station. I HAVE to get through finals. And if that means eating some, I'll do it. And then I'll get RIGHT BACK ON the wagon. I WILL make it through finals. I WILL lose more weight. I WILL do this because I deserve it. And so it goes.
I hope you ladies are enjoying this lovely day (well...not so lovely here: it's 50* and grey, BUT it is a lovely day in my head. Therefore you should all enjoy it! :)
This morning, I put my capris on (still too cold for that, but whatevs. Hope springs eternal)--they're four inches too big! And my belt? Also too big! I had to put another notch in it! (and I didn't put it in the right place, so it's still slightly too big, but it's an improvement on what was there, haha) So I guess things aren't going too badly.
I'm still trying my new diet plan. Yes, I know it's bad for you. I am worried about energy and concentration levels. By the time I got out of the hospital last time I did this, I barely had the energy to pick up my bags and walk to the bus station. I HAVE to get through finals. And if that means eating some, I'll do it. And then I'll get RIGHT BACK ON the wagon. I WILL make it through finals. I WILL lose more weight. I WILL do this because I deserve it. And so it goes.
I hope you ladies are enjoying this lovely day (well...not so lovely here: it's 50* and grey, BUT it is a lovely day in my head. Therefore you should all enjoy it! :)
Monday, May 2, 2011
waiting, waiting, waiting--my life is spent in waiting
Waiting for the *bus*, waiting for the *train* waiting for class to start...etc. I spend a LOT of time waiting. Right now, I'm waiting for the bus to school. Good times...
So, yesterday was the Walk for Hunger--we started at 8:50, and didn't finish until 4:30. Pathetic. Mind you, this was with breaks. Walking 20 miles was challenging, especially because I have a bad hip--about 2 miles in I was ready to call it quits. Yeah. Pathetic. I ate soooooo much yesterday, too, but you know what? It kept me going. (Only things I don't have an excuse for are the foods I ate *after* the walk...) I decided about 8, 9 miles in that calories were the answer to my flagging self. And you know what? They were. Sadly. I picked right up after eating a scone. So sad.
But today, I am determined to once more be good. Breakfast = 150 cal, lunch = 70 cal, snack = 100 cal, and dinner remains to be seen. (I need a plan!!! I cannot function without one!!! Maybe I will have nonfat cottage cheese and fruit?)
I'm finding it really difficult not to eat at night, and I've been really thirsty for caloried drinks. I'm gonna get fatter!!!! When I need to get thinner!!! Wah!
I've been hovering between 142 and 145 lately. I'd like to bring it down into the 130s range, and if cutting my calories back doesn't do it, I guess I'll have to start exercising, too (though I'm afraid of that--asthma, bad hip, and GINORMOUS post-workout appetite. Yeah...) We'll see. Maybe next week I can have the energy to do that.
Oh! I totally forgot! Crisis resolved! The MD essentially told me missing one dose wouldn't kill me, and it didn't! I was just so worried--lithium is NOT shit to mess around with, and I'd never missed a dose before. Also? I was SO angry about flushing that money down the toilet (shit's expensive, you know?) So yeah. That's that.
Hope all's well with you ladies!
So, yesterday was the Walk for Hunger--we started at 8:50, and didn't finish until 4:30. Pathetic. Mind you, this was with breaks. Walking 20 miles was challenging, especially because I have a bad hip--about 2 miles in I was ready to call it quits. Yeah. Pathetic. I ate soooooo much yesterday, too, but you know what? It kept me going. (Only things I don't have an excuse for are the foods I ate *after* the walk...) I decided about 8, 9 miles in that calories were the answer to my flagging self. And you know what? They were. Sadly. I picked right up after eating a scone. So sad.
But today, I am determined to once more be good. Breakfast = 150 cal, lunch = 70 cal, snack = 100 cal, and dinner remains to be seen. (I need a plan!!! I cannot function without one!!! Maybe I will have nonfat cottage cheese and fruit?)
I'm finding it really difficult not to eat at night, and I've been really thirsty for caloried drinks. I'm gonna get fatter!!!! When I need to get thinner!!! Wah!
I've been hovering between 142 and 145 lately. I'd like to bring it down into the 130s range, and if cutting my calories back doesn't do it, I guess I'll have to start exercising, too (though I'm afraid of that--asthma, bad hip, and GINORMOUS post-workout appetite. Yeah...) We'll see. Maybe next week I can have the energy to do that.
Oh! I totally forgot! Crisis resolved! The MD essentially told me missing one dose wouldn't kill me, and it didn't! I was just so worried--lithium is NOT shit to mess around with, and I'd never missed a dose before. Also? I was SO angry about flushing that money down the toilet (shit's expensive, you know?) So yeah. That's that.
Hope all's well with you ladies!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Verdict:
I am NOT allowed to be in the kitchen alone: this is when things go awry.
So this morning, I went to put my capris on (ever hopeful of Spring...) and they were about three inches too big, too!!! I think I'm pretty securely a size 6 now!!!!! (Too bad I think it's not gonna last...) I was so excited when I got into the single-digit sizes last year, but this? This is even more exciting! Now if only I could stop eating like a fatass...
Has anyone ever tried green smoothies, btw? I'm thinking of trying it, but I don't want to waste the calories on something that's just going to leave me craving more in an hour.
So, finals are revving up to full swing. Life is hectic. I've been trying to balance family, the gf, school, volunteering, and work all at once. I think once finals are over, life will be more...peaceful. I'd forgotten what it was like, having been out of school for two years. Maybe the stress is why I've been eating like crazy? That and the "not smoking" thing (which is actually going really well!) I just feel so...overwhelmed! I don't know what to do!
All right. That's all for now. Hope you're all well!
So this morning, I went to put my capris on (ever hopeful of Spring...) and they were about three inches too big, too!!! I think I'm pretty securely a size 6 now!!!!! (Too bad I think it's not gonna last...) I was so excited when I got into the single-digit sizes last year, but this? This is even more exciting! Now if only I could stop eating like a fatass...
Has anyone ever tried green smoothies, btw? I'm thinking of trying it, but I don't want to waste the calories on something that's just going to leave me craving more in an hour.
So, finals are revving up to full swing. Life is hectic. I've been trying to balance family, the gf, school, volunteering, and work all at once. I think once finals are over, life will be more...peaceful. I'd forgotten what it was like, having been out of school for two years. Maybe the stress is why I've been eating like crazy? That and the "not smoking" thing (which is actually going really well!) I just feel so...overwhelmed! I don't know what to do!
All right. That's all for now. Hope you're all well!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
More Excitement!
I put on a pair of pants that I bought back in November or thereabouts this morning...and they were three inches too big!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Today, the name of the game is "getting back on track." It's all about getting back on track, so that I can lose more weight (even though my grandmother doesn't think I need to, haha) and be thin, thinner, thinnest. (But I refuse to get grotesquely thin. Then my friends won't hang out with me anymore ;) I just want all the extra flab to disappear. I want to look thin and fit. Next week, I'm going to try to start exercising (well, maybe once finals are over...that might be a better idea.) Problem is, I have issues with getting up in the morning to exercise. I severely need a running buddy, but even my craigslist post only yielded one person who lived too far away to make it work. (I decided that I want to run a half marathon next year, and maybe a full one the year after...I hate running. I am sick!) Oh well. Maybe someone will magically appear out of the blue...
It's a *beautiful* day today, btw. I brought my jacket because it looked cold outside, but shortly grew to regret that decision. Now I have to lug this extra thing around. Oh well.
Enjoy today, my lovelies!
Today, the name of the game is "getting back on track." It's all about getting back on track, so that I can lose more weight (even though my grandmother doesn't think I need to, haha) and be thin, thinner, thinnest. (But I refuse to get grotesquely thin. Then my friends won't hang out with me anymore ;) I just want all the extra flab to disappear. I want to look thin and fit. Next week, I'm going to try to start exercising (well, maybe once finals are over...that might be a better idea.) Problem is, I have issues with getting up in the morning to exercise. I severely need a running buddy, but even my craigslist post only yielded one person who lived too far away to make it work. (I decided that I want to run a half marathon next year, and maybe a full one the year after...I hate running. I am sick!) Oh well. Maybe someone will magically appear out of the blue...
It's a *beautiful* day today, btw. I brought my jacket because it looked cold outside, but shortly grew to regret that decision. Now I have to lug this extra thing around. Oh well.
Enjoy today, my lovelies!
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