waiting, waiting, waiting--my life is spent in waiting

Waiting for the *bus*, waiting for the *train* waiting for class to start...etc. I spend a LOT of time waiting. Right now, I'm waiting for the bus to school. Good times...

So, yesterday was the Walk for Hunger--we started at 8:50, and didn't finish until 4:30. Pathetic. Mind you, this was with breaks. Walking 20 miles was challenging, especially because I have a bad hip--about 2 miles in I was ready to call it quits. Yeah. Pathetic. I ate soooooo much yesterday, too, but you know what? It kept me going. (Only things I don't have an excuse for are the foods I ate *after* the walk...) I decided about 8, 9 miles in that calories were the answer to my flagging self. And you know what? They were. Sadly. I picked right up after eating a scone. So sad.

But today, I am determined to once more be good. Breakfast = 150 cal, lunch = 70 cal, snack = 100 cal, and dinner remains to be seen. (I need a plan!!! I cannot function without one!!! Maybe I will have nonfat cottage cheese and fruit?)

I'm finding it really difficult not to eat at night, and I've been really thirsty for caloried drinks. I'm gonna get fatter!!!! When I need to get thinner!!! Wah!

I've been hovering between 142 and 145 lately. I'd like to bring it down into the 130s range, and if cutting my calories back doesn't do it, I guess I'll have to start exercising, too (though I'm afraid of that--asthma, bad hip, and GINORMOUS post-workout appetite. Yeah...) We'll see. Maybe next week I can have the energy to do that.

Oh! I totally forgot! Crisis resolved! The MD essentially told me missing one dose wouldn't kill me, and it didn't! I was just so worried--lithium is NOT shit to mess around with, and I'd never missed a dose before. Also? I was SO angry about flushing that money down the toilet (shit's expensive, you know?) So yeah. That's that.

Hope all's well with you ladies!

Writing Papers is Hard Work!

I'm eating more than I'm writing! I bought grapes to snack on, but alas--I went shopping while hungry, and thus also bought Pirate Booty and mini cheeses (of which I only had ONE, for LUNCH), and black and white cookies. Uuuurgh. And I was SUPPOSED to have a friend here to share it with, but she wussed out of our study session.

I can justify this snacking, though, because I'm walking 20 miles tomorrow (I'M SO SCARED, hahaha. TWENTY MILES?!? Yeah. At least it's just walking.)

I think my monstrous eating is mostly quelled at this point. I've been decently good this week--not 600 cal/day good, but less than 1000/day good for the most part (except maybe today. Yeah...)

This may be TMI, but I have to pee SO BADLY, but I am at Starbucks and I don't want to get up because then I'll lose my seat and never get it back again. Plus? I have a lot of shit that I would need to pack up, haha. I always feel like a bag lady, because I walk around with two or three bags all the time. Pathetic.

For those interested, by the way, crisis averted: the MD said that missing one dose wouldn't kill me. I was just so scared because a) lithium is not shit that you mess with b) I've never missed a dose before and c) I was pissed off because that was MONEY I was flushing down the toilet (LITERALLY!) Oh well. Not doing THAT again.

Aaaaaaaand I should get back to writing my paper. It is NOT going to be a good one. But it will be a DONE one, and that will get me a grade, and a grade will get me a DIPLOMA! And an iPod (I'M GETTING ONE AS A GRADUATION PRESENT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!)

So. Back to work. Thanks, lovies, for reading!

OK

Things will get back on track after Easter. For one thing, I'm going to start MAKING time to exercise. For another, I WILL get back on track with my eating habits. This grazing thing just isn't cutting it--it starts as a need that you can't quite place your finger on, and next thing you know, you've sampled everything in the kitchen and that need still isn't satisfied. It's a pain in the ass, AND it's going to make me fat, fat, fat.

So that's the plan--exercise and diet, starting post Easter.