Pictures of you, pictures of me

I want to post pictures to show the progress I've made, but a) I'm too embarrassed because I'm still SO FAT and b) I don't have any comparison shots because when I started, I took some fat pictures, but deleted them because they were so embarrassing. I guess I'll take some now so that when I get thin, I can compare to now?

Also, I feel like my blog is boring because I never post any interesting links or pictures. But I don't have any interesting links or pictures! Just my words! (And whiny words they are, at that!) So THANK YOU for still reading. It makes me happy to know you're out there, and your comments make my day (even if I don't respond right away--when I'm on my phone instead of my computer, I can't post comments for some reason...?)

More Excitement!

I put on a pair of pants that I bought back in November or thereabouts this morning...and they were three inches too big!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Today, the name of the game is "getting back on track." It's all about getting back on track, so that I can lose more weight (even though my grandmother doesn't think I need to, haha) and be thin, thinner, thinnest. (But I refuse to get grotesquely thin. Then my friends won't hang out with me anymore ;) I just want all the extra flab to disappear. I want to look thin and fit. Next week, I'm going to try to start exercising (well, maybe once finals are over...that might be a better idea.) Problem is, I have issues with getting up in the morning to exercise. I severely need a running buddy, but even my craigslist post only yielded one person who lived too far away to make it work. (I decided that I want to run a half marathon next year, and maybe a full one the year after...I hate running. I am sick!) Oh well. Maybe someone will magically appear out of the blue...

It's a *beautiful* day today, btw. I brought my jacket because it looked cold outside, but shortly grew to regret that decision. Now I have to lug this extra thing around. Oh well.

Enjoy today, my lovelies!

Fat & Happy vs Thin & Crazy

I realized today that I'd much rather be thin and crazy than fat and happy--how can you even be happy if you're fat?  I don't see how that's possible for me.

Why is this? I was talking to a friend, and she told me that I have to choose between being thin and being well.  I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd rather be thin.

This program is killing me--they TRULY do not want me to restrict while I'm there, but I CANNOT give up the two weeks' hard work that I put in just because they want me to :(  And I'm too honest to lie.  I hate this! I hope they don't section me because of it, but you can't ask a person to give up years worth of bad habits overnight, you know?

I really need some help here. I want to keep restricting so badly (though a part of me realizes that I can't keep it up, and is very scared.)  I think what I need is just a frame of reference shift--I'm not *restricting,* this is merely the way that I eat. One "meal" a day...

This is the lowest I've weighed in my adult life, and there is no way in HELL that I will give that up!