Monday, May 9, 2011

I should be more excited...

I stepped on the scale nekkid this evening just for the hell of it, even though I pigged out this evening because I have no self control and am a fat pig...and it was just a little above 140! This is EXCELLENT news!! 5 lbs closer to my 130 goal! ...but I just can't get excited. Because I'm a fat pig.

Also, I can't get out of my head the "blind weighing" they did at the ED center today--how embarrassing is that??? THEY get to see how much your fat self weighs, and YOU have to just stand there and look at the wall...I wonder what my real weight is (I've been using my grandmother's scale, which is pretty old.) I'll bet it's something awful like 147 or higher, especially with all my clothes on. URGH. I DO NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS. I can quit any time. I can quit any time. I can quit any time....

I wish I wasn't so fat. I will tell you one thing now--no matter what, I will NOT lose sight of the weight loss goal. I WILL continue to lose weight...

2 comments:

  1. Congrats on being close to your goal! (is it a recovery goal, since you mentioned going to the ED center?) "Blind weighing" sounds awful, I'm sorry you had to do that. Good luck, stay beautiful!

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  2. Thanks! Nooope. That's my second weightloss goal, the first being 145. Now I'm aiming for 130. Once I hit that, then I'm going to assess the situation. I...still don't know how I feel about the idea of recovery.

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