I hate food.

I HATE it. I feel SO out of control!! And it's all damnable 'recovery's' fault.

Unfortunately, this means that I need the program, though. I've come to the realization that I can't risk falling apart in my new jobs because I haven't consumed anything, so I'm trying to work a balance out with that (maybe they'll help with it? Yeah right...) I'm thinking that I can go back to my Instant Breakfast in the morning and cheese stick and diet coke for lunch, because even though I have to eat dinner and that's a lot of calories, it's no more than I'd normally eat with my evening binges, right? So now I just have to find out how to stop the evening binging. *sigh* Any recommendations would be MORE than welcome!

Also, I'm completely helpless once I've eaten too much. I get thrown into fits of huge anxiety that can only be allayed by puking, and I'm so tired of overeating and puking. I need them to help me stop that, and I need them to help me stop that *soon*!

I feel so fat. I wish I could just not eat in peace. If only my brain would let me not eat....