Good news: my loan went through, so I'm officially (finally) graduating! ...once I pay off the $51 late fee. Yeah...
Bad news: I'm officially getting FAT. Scale hovering between 143-145instead of its old 140-143. Thighs egregiously large. Fat growing on arms. Belly growing. Disgusting. FAT. Time to break it down, cut out the junk food in my life (maybe all fats, too) and STOP. BINGEING.
Good news: I'm in lurve (I can't even say the word, I've been avoiding scaring her off so much, haha) and she's right there with me!
Bad news: I'm too exhausted to enjoy the good things in my life. And I'm fat.
Good news: I have a lot of support in my life.
Bad news: I don't know how to use it/listen to it.
Good news: next week is the last week of the program for me, unless my insurance changes its mind.
Bad news: next week is the last week of the program for me, unless my insurance changes its mind...
This game could go on and on....let me speak to the last piece. I am not well yet. I am also not as sick as I was. Part of me wants to get better. Part of me does not. This program, if I leave it now, will leave me this half-transmogrified mass of MESSY that can neither cope with the world, nor with food, but must deal in both. That's a scary prospect. I want to either be most of the way healed when I leave this motherfucking program, or completely ill--not this messy, ugly halfway place that I'm in now. I'm too vulnerable right now...
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