I just saw my therapist

We spent a LOT of time talking about eating. She thinks (and I agree) that it's one of the major reasons I wound up in the hospital. She wants me to go to one of the local ED centers for their intensive outpatient programs.

::SIGH::

As much as I rail against it, a small (very small!) part of me realizes that I need to get better to move along with my life (I want to go into social work, and you can't get started in it if you're still fucked up...) I'm considering the program. (But ONLY if they can still help me lose weight)

I mean...it's not like I can't pick this up again later if their method doesn't work, right?

I'm just...I'm scared. This isn't sustainable! I can't kep resticting, restricting, restricting, BINGE! PURGE! restricting, restricting...etc. It doesn't work! I swear, if I could possibly just NOT EAT, I would. I HATE food, so much. But I can't. And I'm screwing up.

Maybe I'll give it a try, see what happens, and if it doesn't help, go RIGHT BACK to the viscious cycle I'm doing right now...Maybe.