(I MEANT to go to Starbucks and get a short coffee, but the space there was limited aka NOT AVAILABLE, so I went to Chipotle's--next door for the WiFi--instead. ::SIGH:: Fat forever...)
So, I met someone with a REAL ED in the program today. I heard her talk about how it ruined her life...and I still don't want to get better. I want to get worse. I want to be stick thin, and still feel like it's not enough. Someone told me today that my face looked "healthy"--I could've killed her a little bit. "Fat" is not "healthy" and no one--eating disordered or otherwise--wants to hear that they look "healthy." It's insulting--either it means you're gaining weight (for the ED crowd) or it means you're...well...I can't think of what it means for the other crowd, but it's NOT a compliment.
I think I'm going to start lowering my calories. I don't have the fortitude for the Skinny Girl Diet, or the ABC diet, but I CAN try to cut back by 100 every day. I've been keeping it around 1000/day, so I think tomorrow, I'll aim for 900, etc. I can't stay at this weight, and it's really frustrating me that I can't lose any more! I wish I knew how to! Also, I'm going to start running three times a week, whether I want to or not. A person's got to have discipline! (ah, resolutions...)
Anyway, I should get back to doing homework. And by "get back to" I mean "start"...
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