I realized today that I'd much rather be thin and crazy than fat and happy--how can you even be happy if you're fat? I don't see how that's possible for me.
Why is this? I was talking to a friend, and she told me that I have to choose between being thin and being well. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'd rather be thin.
This program is killing me--they TRULY do not want me to restrict while I'm there, but I CANNOT give up the two weeks' hard work that I put in just because they want me to :( And I'm too honest to lie. I hate this! I hope they don't section me because of it, but you can't ask a person to give up years worth of bad habits overnight, you know?
I really need some help here. I want to keep restricting so badly (though a part of me realizes that I can't keep it up, and is very scared.) I think what I need is just a frame of reference shift--I'm not *restricting,* this is merely the way that I eat. One "meal" a day...
This is the lowest I've weighed in my adult life, and there is no way in HELL that I will give that up!
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