weakness and revelation: two disparate subjects

I broke down and bought a 400 calorie pastry today, after I promised myself the salad would be enough. I'm disappointed, and disgusted with the rate at which I scarfed it down.

In other news, I can't keep my big mouth shut, and told my therapist what I was doing, but something good came of it: I had a revelation. I realized that nothing in my life has ever felt so right as what I'm doing right now. I need MORE of it! I need it, in the immortal words of Kanye, "harder, faster, stronger."

I want a steady influx of hunger pangs and diet coke to tide them over. I want MORE. It's hard to explain, but nothing's ever felt so right before. I know this is unsustainable, but it's making me ultimately very happy right now. I can relish the feelings of accomplishment and disappointment and purity. I feel like I'm in charge of something. I'm getting what I deserve at the same time, for what is this life without a little suffering, anyway?

So, as disappointed as I am by my weakness today, hopefully I will have the strength to persevere, to continue on in this battle of wills, to thrive in the purity of cleansing my body of unnecessary elements...

Wish me luck, and good luck to you all!