all my tools are disappearing!!

So, I don't have a job that pays enough right now, and it's causing me considerable distress in many areas of my life. It's latest manifestation? I'm running out of supplies for avoiding food, and I can't replace them!!! No more diet cokes, running low on low-cal gatorade (which my doctor insisted upon to keep my electrolytes up with the lithium), and I'm almost out of cigarettes (which are *wildly* expensive in this state! I *am* quitting--I hope--but my free supply of the patch hasn't come yet. Homie needs her nicotine!!!)

This all adds up to "no bueno!" I don't know what I'm going to dooooooooo... *sigh*

Also, am I a complete weirdo? I basically don't eat all day, and have most of my calories at night time (I don't like going to bed with gnawing hunger in my belly. Also? It's really hard to avoid evening food around family, so it's best to save up the calories for it) Does anyone else do this??

I'm on my "lunch" break at work right now. I SO wish that I had a diet coke...and another cigarette or two. *sigh*

Good Day

(Yes, I'm back to "good days" and "bad days")
After my failed resolution (I failed pretty quickly, huh?) to start a liquid diet--I ate a TON that day and then puked it all back up--I was really, really good yesterday. I had about 5 bites of the risotto that my boss bought for lunch...and that was it. All day.

I figure cigarettes are cheaper than food, right?

I'm a little worried about today, though--I already ate the rest of the risotto, which I was supposed to save for lunch, and I'm actually going *home* tonight, where the temptation to eat is VAST and ABUNDANT.

But yesterday, it was like I turned over a new leaf.  I'm going to lose at least 15 lbs--this is my current goal--and I will do it any way possible. I am determined.