all my tools are disappearing!!

So, I don't have a job that pays enough right now, and it's causing me considerable distress in many areas of my life. It's latest manifestation? I'm running out of supplies for avoiding food, and I can't replace them!!! No more diet cokes, running low on low-cal gatorade (which my doctor insisted upon to keep my electrolytes up with the lithium), and I'm almost out of cigarettes (which are *wildly* expensive in this state! I *am* quitting--I hope--but my free supply of the patch hasn't come yet. Homie needs her nicotine!!!)

This all adds up to "no bueno!" I don't know what I'm going to dooooooooo... *sigh*

Also, am I a complete weirdo? I basically don't eat all day, and have most of my calories at night time (I don't like going to bed with gnawing hunger in my belly. Also? It's really hard to avoid evening food around family, so it's best to save up the calories for it) Does anyone else do this??

I'm on my "lunch" break at work right now. I SO wish that I had a diet coke...and another cigarette or two. *sigh*

Out of diet coke!!

Ruh roh! I'm alllllll out of diet coke, and I have 0 cashdollaz in the bank to buy more! WHAT AM I GOING TO DOOOOOOOOOOO???????

Crap!

Yesterday, I binged on like...everything in sight. And just as I was going to purge? My grandmother comes home, and I can't. I'm going to weigh a million and a HALF pounds pretty soon, instead of just a million....

Today, I'm going to try to be good. Didn't bring any food with me, and I'm at work, so we'll see how that goes (should have brought a diet coke, though!)

This morning, I was standing at the bus stop, when this wave of nausea/feintness washes over me--I hope this doesn't mean that I'm getting ill...