Impromptu Afternoon Off!

Woo hoo! ...but now I don't know what to DO with myself! If I go home, I'll EAT! Because that's what I DO when I'm bored (and I have tomorrow off, too, oh boy oh boy...)

I decided to get a skinny vanilla latte--let me tell you, NOT a win. It tastes gross and has about 130 calories. TOO MANY! It's time to break out the diet cokes again. Those are my saviour when I'm trying not to eat.

In other news, I think I'm going slowly crazy as the meds wean out of my system. I'm a wee bit worried about all of this, as mentioned before. I'm SO ANTSY. And I don't think the Not Eating is helping.

I need to come up with plans to avoid food, too, because I'm pretty sure my grandma's going to make dinner pretty much every night, and it is Not To Be Avoided. Maybe *I'll* start making it, and claim that I picked while cooking and therefore am full...but that'll only work some nights.

But I'm really excited! I stepped on the scale this morning, and I was down to 155 for the first time in MONTHS--that's five pounds less than it was the LAST time I checked. Here's hoping it stays! I mean, I'm still a complete fat ass, but that's 5 lbs LESS of fat-ass-dom! Yay!

Thinking thin,

Yours.

urgh...

THINK before you EAT!
So, my boss buys us lunch on Thursdays, which I've gotten around by ordering the smallest salads possible in the past. But today--I don't know WHAT possessed me--I ordered pasta, thinking I would eat a BITE and save the rest for...later or something. But I *ate it all*. And I can't purge because I'm at work, in public. GAH! I don't know what's WRONG with me lately! If I'd been thinking, I would have realized that I would eat it all given the opportunity, binging spree that I'm on, and I would have gone for the salad again. Oh, Lord. I feel so disgusting! I'm so mad at myself. And this was supposed to be my GOOD day! I hate myself so much right now, fat, disgusting pig. I can feeeeeel the fat bouncing on me.
Next time, I'll do better. And I'm hitting the gym hardcore tomorrow. Lord above...