Irene is coming our way, and it's affecting my eating disorder, haha. I'm wondering if I have enough food in the house, twice over--one: because if I run out, I won't have to eat and two: because if I run out, I CAN'T eat. I'm struggling between whether I should follow my meal plan this weekend or not, and it's a tough choice. I WANT to be in the midst of my eating disorder, so badly (WHY can't I SHAKE it????) but at the same time, I have to realize that I'm in the midst of recovery, and I should be acting that way, not the other way around. Should I go grocery shopping? I *think* that I have enough food, assuming I don't go on a wild binge streak like last night. It's worrisome.
In other news, apparently I need to be eating full breakfasts, or making up the exchanges somewhere else in the day, so says my nutritionist (and I've come to the realization that ALL nutritionists are scary, scary people in their own ways...) So...guess I have to start getting up earlier in order to make myself the damned breakfasts--no more getting away with just a Luna Bar and coffee...Alas!
Showing posts with label ED shopping. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ED shopping. Show all posts
Friday, August 26, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
Am I supposed to be doing homework?
I AM supposed to be doing homework! I even checked out books and everything! At least it's interesting homework, you know? I'm writing a paper on one of the songs from the New York Dolls' first album, so I can't complain too much (but posting is just so much more INTERESTING than what I'm supposed to be doing, you know??)
This "quitting smoking" thing? Not doing it for me. I have cut back significantly (like, only 1-2/day or so--I know, I know, you're not supposed to smoke while you're on the patch. Well you know what? SUCK IT, medical profession! The patch does SHIT for me!) I'm REALLY afraid I'm going to gain weight from it (apparently, cigarettes make you burn calories slightly faster--who knew??) but poverty is poverty, and I can't keep up with the price. I know that as soon as I have the money to kill, I'll be right back to smoking, but hopefully much, much less.
So, I finally have some leeway to resupply, and I'm going shopping this afternoon. So far on the list? Same old, same old. Carnation Breakfast Essentials, skim milk, diet coke, gatorade, and maybe non-fat yogurt.
Now, I hate food. Food is, after all, the enemy. But I'm so bored of the same old shit. I want to mix it up somehow, but I can't!! I know these foods are safe, and I know how to handle them, and I don't know about other foods! ...How dull.
Today is turning out well, despite the dearth of diet coke and gatorade. I'm a little shaky, but then I'm ALWAYS a little shaky.
I will stay strong this evening, and make it a full on GOOD DAY! (I hope you have one, too!)
This "quitting smoking" thing? Not doing it for me. I have cut back significantly (like, only 1-2/day or so--I know, I know, you're not supposed to smoke while you're on the patch. Well you know what? SUCK IT, medical profession! The patch does SHIT for me!) I'm REALLY afraid I'm going to gain weight from it (apparently, cigarettes make you burn calories slightly faster--who knew??) but poverty is poverty, and I can't keep up with the price. I know that as soon as I have the money to kill, I'll be right back to smoking, but hopefully much, much less.
So, I finally have some leeway to resupply, and I'm going shopping this afternoon. So far on the list? Same old, same old. Carnation Breakfast Essentials, skim milk, diet coke, gatorade, and maybe non-fat yogurt.
Now, I hate food. Food is, after all, the enemy. But I'm so bored of the same old shit. I want to mix it up somehow, but I can't!! I know these foods are safe, and I know how to handle them, and I don't know about other foods! ...How dull.
Today is turning out well, despite the dearth of diet coke and gatorade. I'm a little shaky, but then I'm ALWAYS a little shaky.
I will stay strong this evening, and make it a full on GOOD DAY! (I hope you have one, too!)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Miracle Drink
So, someone from the ana/mia chronicles suggested a whey drink for post-running to avoid the food craze, so I bought some yesterday (ED shopping list: Carnation Instant Breakfast-150 calories w/ skim milk, whey protein drink--220 calories w/ skim milk, low-cal gatorade to keep the electrolytes up-45 cal/bottle, gum->5 cal/piece, skim milk-90 cal/serving...)
It was like a slow-setting-in MIRACLE. I drank 1 scoop with about 6 oz of skim milk when I got hungry (and let me tell you, it was DISGUSTING, but I slogged it down), and then I *started* to binge--browsing the kitchen for foods (starting with the smart ones--vegetables, because vegetables "don't count")...and in the middle of it? I couldn't eat any more. I kept my calories to less than 700 yesterday (or at LEAST less than 800--I lost a little track somewhere in there.) I think that's a GREAT start to my three week diet. Now, I just have to keep it up.
Now, I have to make some decisions. I haven't been counting the calories in my morning/afternoon coffee. Now, since I'm pretty much poverty stricken right now and can't afford cream for my homemade coffee, it hasn't been too much of a problem, but when I go out to study at Starbucks or Peet's or wherever, it IS a problem. It bothers me that I don't know how many calories I'm consuming there. So I think that starting tomorrow, it does count. Gotta keep track of these things.
Goal for the day/week/month? Less than 600 cal (which might be a problem because I was up to 250 by 9 am....)
It was like a slow-setting-in MIRACLE. I drank 1 scoop with about 6 oz of skim milk when I got hungry (and let me tell you, it was DISGUSTING, but I slogged it down), and then I *started* to binge--browsing the kitchen for foods (starting with the smart ones--vegetables, because vegetables "don't count")...and in the middle of it? I couldn't eat any more. I kept my calories to less than 700 yesterday (or at LEAST less than 800--I lost a little track somewhere in there.) I think that's a GREAT start to my three week diet. Now, I just have to keep it up.
Now, I have to make some decisions. I haven't been counting the calories in my morning/afternoon coffee. Now, since I'm pretty much poverty stricken right now and can't afford cream for my homemade coffee, it hasn't been too much of a problem, but when I go out to study at Starbucks or Peet's or wherever, it IS a problem. It bothers me that I don't know how many calories I'm consuming there. So I think that starting tomorrow, it does count. Gotta keep track of these things.
Goal for the day/week/month? Less than 600 cal (which might be a problem because I was up to 250 by 9 am....)
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