Weird

I don't feel as many urges to use behaviors as I used to (I'm so used to censoring my statements now, haha--I call them all "behaviors" instead of what they are--binging, purging, restricting, and cutting...also, apparently, body checking/comparisons, and overeating.)

I don't know where I stand right now--my eating disorder is still trying to take over my life, but it's not as strong as it used to be. I worked REALLY hard to learn not to eat, and I'm working REALLY HARD to learn to eat normally, for once in my life. It's REALLY HARD. And I feel really weird about the whole thing (Do I even still need to be in treatment right now???)

A lot of emotions are surfacing, which used to just be buried deep inside. It's awfully uncomfortable to deal with, and tack on a mood disorder on top of that? Yeah...

I always wonder, when we have a Recovery Speaker come in, how my recovery story will eventually go: I was really crazy for a long time, then there was a family meeting, and I had an epiphany, but it wasn't a "hallelujah/angels' chorus" moment--it was a slow, arduous process...and eventually the ED was only a tiny voice in the back of my head, never rearing its ugly head again.

Maybe something like that...