Nervous

(I'm just going to repeat-post what I posted at http://anamiachronicles.blogspot.com/)

Tomorrow is Christmas for us--the horror of the holidays aren't over for the Orthodox Christians yet--and I'm really nervous about it.  There is going to be so. much. food. I don't even know what to do about it.

I've been pretty good these past two days, finally getting back on track after the OTHER holidays with my other relatives, but tomorrow? Tomorrow's not looking so hot.

I think my plan right now is to go ahead and eat whatever, but start the Skinny Girl Diet on Monday. I'm afraid that isn't going to work out, though, because I have virtually zero will power, and when things start getting fuzzy, I start eating.

I'm also really nervous that my not eating is going to fuck my head up.  I'm supposedly bipolar, though I don't believe that, and I just stopped taking the meds they prescribed (and let me tell you--it feels GOOD to finally be free!) but the last time I wasn't eating and stopped my meds, I wound up in the hospital, and I do NOT want a repeat of that...ever. Again.  But I can't go back to eating normally, and from where I am, one can only restrict more.

I'm fucking myself up.

This is not going to turn out well. Not going to turn out well at all...