*sigh* I'm back. I guess.

Sorry for the completely I formatted text. Writing from my phone. I'm back. I had the singularly traumatizing experience yesterday of trying on almost all (LITERALLY—almost ALL!!) of my cute/professional/cooler weather clothes...and NOTHING FIT. NOTHING. I almost had to go to a job interview naked and cold. I'm the heaviest I've been since maybe 2009, to the point where even my PRE-ed clothes don't fit, and I'm frustrated and angry. The life of an ED individual is not pleasant. Just going back to the Ana/Mia blog and fucking *skimming* reminded me of that, never mind years of personal misery in & out of treatment and (psych) hospitals. I cease functioning when I cease eating. I get suicidal. Depressed. All 'round craaaaaazytown. (Legit) And it's scary. But I can't live like this. I can't. I need to go back down in weight, and literally the ONLY effective method I've ever used is this damnable ED. (I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be back on blogs. I should be encouraging following my meal plan and doing what I need to do to get better. I shouldn't be encouraging Evil Brain and the damned ED. Even just READING this shit is sending me right back to when I was 23, the same shiver in my body and vibrations in my head. This is bad. This is very, very bad...) I can't. You can't win when you have an ED.