Depressed

So, like I said, I've given up on weekends, but today? Today was just a FIASCO. I ate well over 2000 calories--this after nearly a WEEK of eating usually 500 or less (with the occasional 700-900 maybe)
That's just SICK.
And I'm depressed about it. I feel so alone. There's nothing to DO for it. What a day!
Tomorrow, we're back to the diet coke diet. No giving in! NO MORE FOOD. I wish I could just quit it for good. I await the day that willpower no longer eludes me...
:(

Also, When Will I Get Thin?

I have been at this for three weeks now, and only lost about 6 lbs.  I think it's because I can't make myself NOT eat, and once I start eating, it's like...700 calories in a sitting before I can get myself to stop. (Pathetic!)
I want RESULTS. I want to be THINNER. I want BONES to start showing. I want to be what I've always wanted to be: thin.
When's that going to happen?
I AM getting better at this, though. This week, I managed to keep consumption to under 1000 calories (and sometimes MUCH less than that!) every day (until today, which is a weekend, which I've given up on. There is no hope when boredom and family time combine...) And I've been "hungry" less. And I'm learning to get by with less food.
You people have to understand that before, I could eat 3000 calories in a sitting and move on with life.  Now that I've stopped that, it's like shock and awe every time I finish counting up the calories and realize something like "Woah! That was only 671 calories today! Pat on the back!"
I don't think I'll ever be thin. I think my body type rejects that completely.
For example, before I started this, I was 160 lbs at 5'5"--you'd think that I'd be OBESE, but I was merely large.  That's my body type talking.  It's just not fair.
And on that note, some stats:

Height: 5'5"
CW: 154-159 depending on the day/time
HW: 185
LW: 154
GW: 130 or less

WHEN WILL I BE THIN?

more on that sigh

So, I'm pretty good during the week--there are things to occupy me. I'm trying terribly to break my habit of eating when I'm bored, but on weekends? I can't stop. There is NOTHING that will stop me. Not diet coke, not water, not fiber, nothing.
I feel out of control! And I can't even purge!
Does anyone have any advice for handling the weekends?

*sigh*

I've given up on the weekends.

Problem (This is really gross, actually)

So, I don't LIKE to eat, right? Well, I do, but I also really HATE it, and that's another story.
Well, sometimes I do, right?
And I have a problem--I CANNOT purge. I used to be able to, but I guess I've killed my gag reflex because it ain't there any more.  This is TERRIBLE news.
I HATE it.
...Maybe this knowledge will keep me from eating more.

Never Give Up! Never Surrender!

I am wicked bored. I had a very busy morning...but now there's nothing to do. And I REFUSE to give in to the boredom and eat. I feel like I've been so good lately (minus my 700 calorie binge last night--oops! and urgh...) I don't want to ruin it. I've already got to come up with excuses for the weekend, why destroy what I have now? I *LIKE* not eating. It feels so...right.

Also, the idea of eating kind of disgusts me right now--how gross is that?  All the chewing--ugh! The CHEWING!! (Gross!)

Bored bored bored bored....Oh, what to do?

Patience

Patience is a virtue of which I am not possessed. As a means of hurting oneself, I find that not eating leaves something to be desired as a result--in *minutes* you can ruin what took hours, or days, to build (like I just did with a small bag of peanut m&ms...) To do this successfully, you need to have *patience*. I am taking this opportunity as a learning tool. I will come out the better for it.

Today's food? A small (SMALL) arugala and asparagus salad...and a bag of peanut m&ms. Hopefully, I won't progress beyond that. I can't believe I gave in and bought FOOD! Dammit!